Escaping One Last Time
by tlgirl
Summary: pacey and joey spend one last night together. listen in on their innermost thoughts. . . what went wrong in their relationship? find out here . . . please read and review!
1. Show Me . . .

**"Escaping One Last Time"**  
by: **tlgirl**

  
  


**Part 1 - Show Me . . . **

  
  
**Rating**: PG  
**Category**: other  
**Disclaimer**: blah blah blah . . . I don't own anything . . . you know the drill.  
**Note**: This is a story I wrote inspired by Sarah McLachlan's song "Angel." It's a great song. This is a missing scene from Separation Anxiety in season 4. It's kind of short, but I think it's an emotional piece. It doesn't focus on details, more on thoughts and feelings.  
**Spoilers**: Season Four – Episode #412 "Separation Anxiety"  
**Feedback**: Please! This is the first Dawson's Creek fan fiction that I've written. E-mail me: tlgirl2@hotmail.com  
  


* * *

  
  
You're asleep. Even though I'm not looking at your face, I can tell by your long deep breaths. I lean in closer to your bare chest, listening to the beating of your heart. I wonder when you stopped loving me.  
  


* * *

  
  
_ "Pace . . . do you think maybe I could come and stay with you tonight? We could just...sleep." I asked you. I looked in your eyes, and searched for answer. But instead of finding one, I get lost in a sea of blue. I felt the tears come to my eyes. I tried to blink them away, tried to maintain my composure. I didn't want you to see how broken and how incomplete you've left me. I couldn't show you my tears. I tried to muster up some courage, but I can't because there isn't any left, and I broke down and cried. You were my source of courage. When I lost my spine, I leaned on you to stay strong. I never told you that. There's so much I want to tell you, so much that I should have told you a long time ago, so many lies I want to take back. But it's too late now. It doesn't matter anymore, I don't matter to you anymore.  
  
"Yeah."_  
  


* * *

  
  
I close my eyes as another tear rolls down my face. When I'm with you, all the memories come flooding back to me. I remember pushing you away. I remember you being there when I was alone. I remember you wiping away my tears. I remember you making me feel alive. You see Pacey? I remember everything too.  
  
I hate you so much.  
I hate you for kissing me that day by the road.  
I hate you for buying me a wall.  
I hate you for being so goddamn unselfish.  
I hate you for once loving me.  
I hate you.  
I hate you because I love you.  
  
I slowly run my hand softly over your chest and lift my head to see your face. I want to memorize this moment. I want to remember just the way the moonshine lit your face through the window. I want to memorize the steady rhythm of your heart. Because after tonight, that's all I'll have left.  
  
I don't want to think anymore. I'm so tired, Pacey. I wipe away the rest of my tears and lay my head back on your chest. I just want to find some peace tonight. Laying here in your arms, I escape one last time.  
  


* * *

  
  


_"Angel" by Sarah McLachlan  
  
Spend all your time waiting  
for that second chance  
for a break that would make it okay  
there's always one reason  
to feel not good enough  
and it's hard at the end of the day  
I need some distraction  
oh beautiful release  
memory seeps from my veins  
let me be empty  
and weightless and maybe  
I'll find some peace tonight  
  
in the arms of an angel  
fly away from here  
from this dark cold hotel room  
and the endlessness that you fear  
you are pulled from the wreckage  
of your silent reverie  
you're in the arms of the angel  
may you find some comfort there  
  
so tired of the straight line  
and everywhere you turn  
there's vultures and thieves at your back  
and the storm keeps on twisting  
you keep on building the lie  
that you make up for all that you lack  
it don't make no difference  
escaping one last time  
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh  
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees  
  
in the arms of an angel  
fly away from here  
from this dark cold hotel room  
and the endlessness that you fear  
you are pulled from the wreckage  
of your silent reverie  
you're in the arms of the angel  
may you find some comfort there  
you're in the arms of the angel  
may you find some comfort here_


	2. . . . Love

**"Escaping One Last Time"**  
by: **tlgirl**

  
  


**Part 2 - . . . Love**

  
  
**Rating**: PG  
**Category**: other  
**Disclaimer**: blah blah blah . . . I don't own anything . . . you know the drill.  
**Note**: This is a story I wrote inspired by Sarah McLachlan's song "Angel." It's a great song. This is a missing scene from Separation Anxiety in season 4. It's kind of short, but I think it's an emotional piece. It doesn't focus on details, more on thoughts and feelings.  
**Music Credit**: "Papercut" by Linkin Park. It's on their CD "Hybrid Theory." It's a great CD, I highly recommend it, check it out. Read the story and the lyrics carefully. They relate to each other.  
**Spoilers**: Season Four – Episode #412 "Separation Anxiety"  
**Feedback**: Please! This is the first Dawson's Creek fan fiction that I've written. E-mail me: tlgirl2@hotmail.com  
  


* * *

  
  
Another tear slides down your cheek and on to my damp chest. It's wet from the tears you've been crying. I don't know what to do. I fight the urge to jerk your body under mine and ravish you. After everything Potter, you still drive my body crazy. So I just lay here, like the coward I am, listening to your soft, stifled sobs.  
  


* * *

  
  
_ "Before, when we hadn't had sex, everything was about sex. Now that we've have had sex…"  
  
"Everything is still about sex," I said cutting you off. I know you were going to say that. Just like I knew that you wouldn't confess and just tell me you lied to Dawson, you wouldn't admit that you lied to me. But I was still persistent, trying to prove myself wrong when I asked you, "Do you think we're doing something wrong?"  
  
I glanced over at you, hoping to find some truth in your face or in your body language. When did you become so good at lying? "No. Do you?" you manage to mutter. I was right, you still didn't love me enough to be honest with me. I hate it when I'm right.  
  
I'm so confused, Jo, I thought we loved each other enough to trust each other. Or was I the only one who felt that way? "No. I don't think there was anything wrong. I just don't know why you would . . . " I wanted an answer from you. I was so angry at you, but I kept these feelings buried inside me. I wanted you to confess and tell me that lying to Dawson was a big mistake and that I was the only man you loved. But you didn't reassure me. Why? Did you regret making love to me?  
  
"Pacey, did Gretchen say something to you after I left this morning?" there you go again, you try to cover up your lies to me again.  
  
I could've told you that I caught you lying. I could have screamed my head of and pushed you away. I could have acted like a jerk and broken up with you. "No. Why?" but I didn't. I bit my tongue. I didn't do that for Dawson - I don't give a crap about him. I didn't do it for me - even though I hurt like hell. I did it for you, because I loved you. I let you walk away, with your little universe unscarred and still in tact. Dawson still looked up at you on a pedestal, thinking that little Miss Joey Potter was still a prude virgin. And I . . . I put on a mask and played "perfect boyfriend" in the soap opera called life, where you controlled everything._  
  


* * *

  
  
As you lift your head up to look at my face, I close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. I can't look at your eyes, I'm to afraid that if I do, I'll fall even more in love with you, if that's even possible.  
  
You said that Dawson was the person who knew you best. You're wrong. I do. I know you too well Joey. I know that eventually, you and Dawson will have your little soulmate reunion and all I'll be is a distant memory. So don't cry for me, don't pity me. Pity yourself, because your whole life will always be defined by Dawson Leery. And no matter how much I want to think otherwise, and believe that I, Pacey Witter, the town screw up "got the girl" it'll be a lie. I'll be living a lie. It would only be a matter of time until I make a mistake, and you'll come running back to Dawson. It's inevitable. That's why I broke up with you. I want to save myself even more heartache. I wanted to leave you before you leave me.  
  
Isn't Dawson the central cause of all our fights? Ever since we were little I was always stuck in Dawson's shadow. A year ago, I found the light. You were the light, and you betrayed me. If I kept my "happy mask" on any longer, I don't know what I would have done. Even if I never had broken up with you, Dawson's voice would be whispering in my ear - every time I kissed you, every time you weren't with me, every time we made love. His voice would tell me that I'm not good enough, that you'll always love him, and that in the end, he'll have you. And the worst part is, I know that he's right.  
  
You wipe away your tears and drop your head back down onto my chest. I gave you everything you wanted. I was perfect for you. But you can't give me the way I gave myself to you - completely. That's why it's never going to work out. A part of you will always be Dawson's.  
  
So don't cry for me, Jo. Don't feel sorry for me. I just want you to remember me, because I'll always remember you. Don't ever question whether I truly loved you or not, because you've always known the answer to that.   
  
It's too late to go back now. We've already crossed the point of no return. But there's one last thing I can give you, I can give you tonight.  
  
FIN.  
  


* * *

  
  


_"Papercut" by Linkin Park  
  
Why does it feel like night today?  
Something in here's not right today.  
Why am I so uptight today?  
Paranoia's all I got left  
I don't know what stressed me first  
Or how the pressure was fed   
But I know just what it feels like  
To have a voice in the back of my head  
It's like a face that I hold inside  
A face that awakes when I close my eyes  
A face watches every time I lie  
A face that laughs every time I fall  
(And watches everything)  
So I know that when it's time to sink or swim  
That the face inside is hearing me  
Right underneath my skin  
  
It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back  
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head  
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within  
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin  
  
I know I've got a face in me  
Points out all my mistakes to me  
You've got a face on the inside too and  
Your paranoia's probably worse  
I don't know what set me off first but I know what I can't stand  
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is  
I can't add up to what you can but  
Everybody has a face that they hold inside  
A face that awakes when I close my eyes  
A face watches every time they lie  
A face that laughs every time they fall  
(And watches everything)  
So you know that when it's time to sink or swim  
That the face inside is watching you too   
Right inside your skin  
  
Chorus  
  
The face inside is right beneath your skin (3x)  
  
The sun goes down  
I feel the light betray me (Repeat until end)  
  
Chorus (Repeat until end)_


End file.
